


The duality of the heart. The divide of the mind.

by Leftleg



Series: Goro has a bad time (and like one good time.) [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Selves, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, I am not joking literally this has turned into masarobin dmdndndb that's not even real man oh my God, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It's a hobby, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Misgendering, Moral Ambiguity, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Violent Thoughts, Weight Issues, Yandere, blood mentions, bros being bros, but its like distribution like ill explain it later but, chris hansen needs to bust shido kskdfjslk, djfhjkhdk uhhhh, essentially its dissociation, goro is touch starved and repulsed and i think thats a mood, goro needs a rest, if the discussion/ implication of inappropriate pictures being taken of children upsets you, implied child pornography, its really fucking shido man oh my go, listen, photographer! Shido but not really, slight shuakeyu if you squint really hard, tbh thats really what this is, technically, thats it thats the fic, then uhhhhh you might want to skip this, trans goro btw, transphobic thoughts, whoops, woof - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-10-28 18:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20782997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leftleg/pseuds/Leftleg
Summary: hoo boy what is this (can be read as a stand-alone story in fact i implore you to read this as a stand-alone story dhskfhk)----The personas want to help their master with his situation. They hatch a plan together: to take their master's body and finagle a way to change Shido's heart. Problem is, 'take' and 'change' are often used too interchangeably for these things.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> au where Goro goes to kosei and he and Yusuke are FRIENDS  
uh,,, inside 'The Palace' Loki and Robin Hood wear their respective Metaverse outfits ( Loki wears Goro's Black Mask outfit, Robin wears the Crow outfit) they don't wear their masks most of the time bc they really don't need to bc I mean, who are they hiding from lmao if you want to picture them, they're literally Goro but different personalities (remember the teen titans raven episode with all the different color ravens? yeah just like that) you can imagine them, however, tho hdkjfsh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna kill myself why the fuck is Shido his last name fuck you  
Also God I'm going through this entire thing i want yall to know that this doc is literally so long it freezes my Google docs lol im really trying to not leave this unfinished i kinda forgot the plot oops jfkfgf

Sometimes Shido wasn't all bad. No one could ever be "all bad". Sometimes he'd give him money if he noticed he wasn't eating right, or he'd pay for extra tutoring if Goro happened to be a bit behind the curve a semester. No, he wasn't always bad, but that certainly didn't make him a subjectively good person, he just had his days where he himself was probably tired of playing the 'big bad' in Goro's memoiric movie he called his life, and Goro figured that it was okay sometimes, as long as the man stayed a good few thousand kilometers away from him in any direction at all times. Actually, make that a few million kilometers. That should do it.

Anyway, as he sipped his coffee, he tried not to dwell on the fact that he had to go see him in about an hour, and he sure as shit didn't know what for. He was simply told to come over. Nothing more, nothing less. Foolish, he thought, because that gave Goro all the leeway to bring a weapon with him (not as if he wouldn't anyway, the only time he didn't was if he were going straight to the apartment or was picked up after school), meaning he could definitely kill him today, should the situation arise where it could be posed as an accident or self-defense. He didn't even need an excuse as to why he's going to see him, which is grand, because thinking up a lie about seeing a nearly untouchable man is a pain in the nuts. Good on Shido for letting only the employees and a few business partners in on the fact that he was his son.

He knocked back the rest of his cup and left the payment on the bar. This place was no LeBlanc, not by any stretch of the imagination, but he'd rather drink a mediocre Arabica blend in some fancy place than to sulk like a skeez in front of Sojiro-san and his stupid, hot, nearsighted ward. No thanks, he didn't want a therapy session to coax him out of his plans. He took his briefcase and left.

He wasn't going straight to Shido's anyway, he had to get his farecard from Makoto. Ever since she started dating that weirdo Ryuji, she's been going out all over the damn place for dates and shit or whatever it was that they did in the park all day. You may be thinking, ''Makoto is rich, right? Why doesn't she have her own card?', and to that, the answer is that she does but gave it to her boyfriend and instead of buying another, she skimped Goro's because when would he ever go to the amusement park or something? Never, because his actual circle of friends willing to hang out with him consisted of barely two, and that was Ann and Ren when he could steel himself enough to ask them if they had plans. He grimaced when a sudden pain hit his chest, and he gripped his chest over his heart. Thinking about those two gave him fucking heart palpitations, it was actually becoming a medical problem. He staggered a bit and caught his balance and as if on cue, Makoto and Ryuji walked by his pitiful state, talking about something that she wanted him to stop doing, and then doubled back, Makoto smiling at him and Ryuji tapping his foot to show his annoyance.

"Akechi-kun. Are you alright? "

"Yeah, looks like you're having a heart attack or somethin'." Ryuji slouched forward to stare at his face, "You need a doctor?"

Goro stepped back and fixed his hair over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes. "No, and if I did, I doubt you'd call anyone with a valid license, so I'd rather die."

One of Goro's favorite activities was annoying Ryuji, and he never failed to do so every time he was around him. The joy it gave him was unparalleled. Ryuji stomped his foot.

"Hey, man! I'm just asking!"

"And I appreciate the gesture but the way you limp makes me wonder if I can trust my life with any doctors you may call." He flipped his hair and ignored Ryuji's feeble attempt at maintaining his composure, something he clearly is doing for the sake of Makoto, who put her arm around Ryuji's and frowned at Goro. "Oh, what's with that look, Mako-chan?"

"Don't be so rude to him, he was asking a question."

"Oh my, I apologize then, if I struck a nerve. I suppose my humor isn't to the taste of others."

"Yeah, no shit, Akechi." Makoto patted his arm, to soothe him and he relaxed slightly. "Talk about my leg again, though, and I'll break your face. Got it?"

Goro tried not to laugh, and grinned behind his hand, and faced Makoto. He could see it on her face she couldn't stand him, and he couldn't stand both of them either. Makoto and Goro had to pretend to be friends because that's what subjectively famous people must do and the only reason he really let her use his card anyway, because of public image and Sae's leg muscles. He didn't like her because she could see right through him and knew what he was about, and he didn't want to face whatever hellfire Sae had stored up in her body. No matter what Sae would say about her, one thing that was certain was that she would level mountains for that girl, and Goro was an anthill. 

"Ah, Makoto-chan, I'd like to ask about my farecard. Do you happen to have it with you at the moment?" 

Makoto detached herself from her date and tried to remember, then stuck her hand into her purse, digging through it. While she dug around, she asked him what he would need it for and his lip twitched at the question. It was his, why did it matter?

"I have to see my father this afternoon, and you know he lives pretty far." He explained and her red eyes brightened. "Taking my bike isn't the best option for the area in which he lives."

"Oh, your father?" She blinked at him, confused, and Goro kicked himself. They knew he was an orphan and the one thing that makes a person an orphan is the fact that they don't have parents, like, that's the entire point of being an orphan. Goro tried to think of a back-out but Ryuji was a step ahead of him and mentioned Goro's foster parents (of which he did not speak to or about ever because he owed them nothing and they could rot for all he cared. Every single one of them.), and he latched onto it quickly, nodding his head and thinking of a quick lie to throw off Makoto.

"Yes, my foster father recently became very ill, and so mother called me to come out and see him. It's been quite some time since I've seen them after moving into the school dorms and starting work." He feigned a sad look, musing with his hair, "So, if you have the farecard, I'd like to use it for today..."

She took a few seconds to process this, realizing inside that she knew nothing about his actual familial situation (no one actually did), and for a few short moments, there was look on her face of thought and then acceptance. She clenched her jaw, there was a sad look in her eyes, their luster disappearing and she pulled the card from her bag and gave it to him. 

"I put some money on it earlier today, tell your father I hope he becomes well soon." He took it from her gently and smiled 'fondly' at the plastic card. He pushed it into his khaki pocket and thanked her. To up the ante, he 'apologized' to Ryuji for the jab at his limp. Ryuji scratched his neck and waved it off.

"Well, I'll be off now, I suppose. Where are you two headed? Maybe a bit later we can meet together with the others. It's predicted to be a lovely evening tonight." 

The two looked at each other, and it was evident the tow fools forgot where the hell they were even going before they saw him, and they laughed nervously at each other. Ryuji scratched his hair and Makoto flipped hers.

"We were, um..."

"Going to, uh...haha..."

Makoto blushed, still twisting her ends around her finger. It dawned on Goro that they didn't forget. They were clearly going to do something particularly scandalous for two high schoolers in this day and age, especially by the way she reattached herself to his side and put her head on his shoulder. Goro got the devious little idea of telling Sae her sister was giving Ryuji more than the common 'private tutoring'. Oh, how hell would freeze if he did that! He acted surprised.

"Oh, I see. You two are...!" He tsked and winked, "How naughty, Mako-chan! But, I suppose you two have your fun. Sorry to have held you up." They waved each other off and he watched them for a minute, arms linked and connected at the hip, walking down the busy street, and he frowned at their backs. He felt hatred well up in him, his hands ball into fists and his jaw set. How dare they be together? How dare his peers have relationships with each other? His breathing deepened as he thought up the many ways he could break them up, tear their hearts to fucking pieces with his own hands and ruin that shitty happiness and romance they had. He was jealous, no fucking shit he was jealous because he didn't have that and he couldn't have it because every time he tried, the people around him reminded him how unwanted he was. His mind suddenly raced to seeing Makoto's face beneath him, his hands around her neck until her eyes rolled and her breathing came to a halt, then to Ryuji covered in blood and limp, a gash in his neck from a boxcutter blade- he blinked the fantasy and the envy away, shaking it from his head. 

Sure they weren't his best friends, but he had no reason to want them dead. God, being fucked in the head was a struggle.

He took the train, as per usual, and as per usual there was nowhere to sit. He stood near the back of the cab, holding on to the bar and scrolled on his phone. It hadn't yet registered that he was on his way to a slaughterhouse and willingly so. What did dawn on him was the fact that he was hungry. That was pretty clear, and he shifted uncomfortably where he stood, and unknowingly bumped into the passenger behind him. He turned his head and was met with the face of a fellow Kosei student. He didn't know his name, but he had seen him in his class a few times to talk to some of the boys in his homeroom. He stuttered out an apology and turned back to his phone. Suddenly, a hand was upon him, and Goro jerked around, but the movement was limited in the crowd and he glared at the student.

"Excuse me, but may you take your hand off of me?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry about that, Akechi-kun." The hand was taken off of him, but he couldn't shake the nagging feeling, that weighing linger of hands and eyes burrowing into his back. It spiked his anxiety, and he tried to keep his composure, but the feeling was strong and irritating him. Ghostly fingers were now on his back, walking up his spine and reaching the nape of his neck, where fingers played with his ends, but he was not being touched. There were no hands on him, no heat or chill, just the afterimage there, and unable to do anything about it, he tapped his foot impatiently, clenched and unclenched the metal bar, wanting to rip it from its post, and he sweated. Inside, he was raging, thrashing and throwing himself from wall to wall, screaming and tearing at his skin and clothes to escape the touch. The feeling. He wanted it gone. 

Gone.

** _Gone!_ **

He screamed inside and pressed his eyes closed until he heard his stop over the intercom. As soon as the doors opened, he moved through the crowd and ran off to the platform, beelining towards the nearest bathroom, not caring what the sign outside, and ran into a stall. He locked the door, blood rushing through him, and he started to strip down, trying his best not to rip his own clothes, his vest came off first then his button-down, both of which thrown to the floor. He tried to breathe, his chest heaving and falling, as he hyperventilated. He touched the back of his neck, trying to find those phantom fingers, and he scratched at his skin, clawing at something that wasn't there but felt like it were, and he clawed at his lower back, his dull nails dragging and leaving firey red streaks on his skin. Frustration mounting, he stopped and clenched his hair, shouting in the echoing, empty bathroom, shouting for it to stop, to let him go, to leave his body alone.

"Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go...!" He shook his head, hair falling into his eyes, strands sticking to his sweating face. He pulled his own hair and saw it in his fingers, the frayed strands entangled between his shaking fingers made him angry, and he realized he was enclosed and alone, yet under the influence of a person who wasn't there. A person he was a few blocks away from at that very moment. A person who could walk into this very bathroom at any time, and take him. Hurt him. 

He shouted. Screamed, it was more like, and he hit his fists against the stall door, the reverb sounding in the room, and he did it again and again, wall to wall, eyes closed and imagining he was being pushed around and pressed this way and that. He kicked and screamed and punched the walls and door. The bathroom was filled with the boisterous bangs of fists on plastic and loafers on wet tile. He stopped after an eternity and sat on the toilet, half-naked from the top down, and he stared blearily at the stall door's face. It was unmarred, no dents from his fists or discolorations. It wasn't human skin, it did not bruise like his fists or body. He had hit and beat and got no satisfaction out of it. Dazed eyes fell to his briefcase and clothes in a pile on the floor. There was the hollowness of post-panic, and he needed to ground himself again. He reached for his bag and unlocked it, fishing for his wallet and zipping it open. Behind cards and money, he found his stash of scavenged blades from shaving razors and carefully picked the thin slices of metal from the money pouch.

He looked at it, and it gave him some peace. It made him smile, seeing the blade glinting in the light, and he upturned his wrist. Shaving razors didn't require much pressure, designed to combat the coarse hairs of the human body, they were easy on the skin. They were a personal favorite of his. He purposefully gave himself small knicks on his wrist, small enough to go unnoticed at first glance, but deep enough to bleed and bleed enough to drip, as he thought it was pointless to him if it didn't bleed enough to be concerning, so that was always his goal. It felt enlivening. It felt good and it brought him back down to himself, cooling blood droplets hitting the floor in distant patters, he inhaled and let it go. For a second or two, he sat in silent bliss and relaxed there in the restroom. Let his mind come to rest and his wounds to stop running. With one final inhale, he opened his eyes and the world looked brand new, the lights brighter, the smells finer. He looked at his wrist with momentary disdain, the other scars there were very faint but he doubted they'd ever actually leave, and he felt regret and disgust with himself for adding to them.

He sighed, what was done was done, and he wrapped a tissue around his wrist and tucked it to keep it sealed, hoping to find a store with tape or gauze on the way. He looked at his clothes, could barely find the strength or willpower to pick them up and get dressed, but he had to, and he huffed as he reached for the garments, sliding his button-down on and opening the door. He was met with the large mirror across from the stalls and stared at himself through clouded and tired eyes. His reflection was a fucking mess, his hair tousled and he looked aged. He fluttered his lashes and smiled at the mirror as if it were a camera, as if he were on television again, and was morbidly pleased and angered that his million-dollar smile held up like diamonds on display despite the horror show that was his face and mind, then dropped the smile. He looked at his hands, opened them, closed them, and looked at his skin for any more bruising or bleeding. His fingers on his right hand were covered in blood, but that was about it. Obviously, his hands hurt and so did his wrist, but he'd live. He washed his hands, all the while never breaking eye contact with himself.

His reflection looked like a different person, nearly felt like it too, and the longer he stared at it, the more he began to feel like he was shifting sides, from the reflection to the reflected and had to tear his eyes from the mirror to break the spell, afraid of the idiotic superstition that he would end up in that mirror-world. He glanced again and saw an apologetic face, like his own but with dull eyes and a pitiful turn of his lips into a frown. That was not him in the mirror, it was his reflection, but it...it couldn't be him, because Goro Akechi never bore regret on his face, he never felt pity for himself, and he would never show it. This was an imposter.

_ "Let us not go today, Goro." _ It was somber and tired, voice thin. " _ His invitation...we should not trust it. It is vague." _

For a split second, fear shot through him. He was hearing voices, seeing his reflection speak like it were its own person, but then realized that perhaps he was the one who was saying those words. No, it was the only logical way he was hearing them because he was saying them.

"Shut up. You think I want to?" He started fastening his buttons but stopped to stare at his chest for a moment. Flat as a board, he was a lucky one. He had money, he paid for his surgery in full and got it done as soon as possible. It was clean and the scarring slight, no one would know unless the were educated and saw him full frontal. He finished buttoning it and slid his vest on over it. "If I had the choice, do you think I'd still go?"

His hair was next, and he was glad he brought his briefcase with him. It was partially important for his day to day, and it was pretty alright for what it was, spacious enough for one day's worth of clothes, a few necessary toiletries, wallet and whatever else he needed. He popped it open and pulled out a brush and comb, priming himself up for his return to the world. For extra effect, he brushed his teeth twice and studied himself again. 

_ "He is going to hurt you again. Hurt _ _ us- _ _ " _

"Shut up! ** _I know! I know!"_ ** He shouted, leaning forward to support himself on the counter, shoulders shaking as they rose and fell. "I know...just...go away for now...whoever you are..."

He looked up again beneath his bangs, and the sad reflection had a momentary look of offense, most certainly because Goro did not remember his name, but with one more blink, it was gone and his reflection was as it was before. Direct and accurate. Goro continued to straighten himself up until he was once again satisfied with himself.

Yes, this was the Akechi the world knew. This was Tokyo's sweetheart.

He smiled at his reflection again, posing for the nonexistent camera behind it, and then left the bathroom. The world outside did not stop for him and his five minutes, it was still going and bustling with life, not one eye batted for poor old Akechi-kun, and he tried to hide his disappointment. It would have been nice, to have someone come and check in on him for once. He left the station, and walked those last three blocks he had to reach the building Shido lived at the current moment. The man couldn't stay in one place for too long, for some fucking reason, and it was pretty rare he even went to Shido's place to begin with, so why he constantly up and moved house was beyond him. The security guard opened the door for him, having recognized him, and directed him towards the elevators. He didn't need to do so, but it was policy and Goro thanked him anyway and rode until the top floor. Around this time he thought it proper of him to let Shido know he was close, just an elevator ride away, and he phoned him. It rang for some time, and Goro was afraid he wouldn't answer, thus wasting his time, because he only never answered if he were at work. He tapped his foot impatiently, the elevator chimes bringing on his anxiety.

He caught his reflection in the shiny polish of the elevator interior and saw that familiar sad look.

"What? You again?"

_ " _ _ You _ _ were looking for _ _ me _ _ ." _

He narrowed his eyes. "Who are you? You're not me."

Ding. 

The reflection scoffed, and a similar sound escaped Goro's lips. Was he really just talking to himself?

Ding. No answer. He hung up the phone.

_"I __am_ _you__." _ This reflection was a bit whiny, pouting._"__I __am __thou__, __thou__ art __I!__ Do you not remember?"_

Ding. He tried to call again.

"You're my persona?"

The reflection (persona?) nodded slightly. _ "I am Robin Hood." _

The phone rang and rang, and the elevator kept chiming with each passing floor, three more and they'd be at the top floor. No...he'd be at the top floor. He looked at Robin Hood, and his (It? Their?) face went through a range of emotion, from surprise to fear, then finally rested on sadness as the doors opened and he got an answer just before the last ring.

"You don't have to call every time, Akechi."

"My apologies, Shido-san." He stepped off the elevator, leaning against the wall. Down the hall, another guard stood taught and unmoving, watching him. "You called for me today, correct? May I ask what for?"

He chuckled, mocking him. "Isn't your birthday today, Goro?"

And he took the phone from his cheek, trying to remember what day it was. Was it…? Is it? He looked at the date, and sure enough that blasted June 2nd stared him in the face. He thought he heard Robin Hood's voice in his head, telling him not to go. 

"O-oh, haha.. it is, isn't it? Don't tell me you have something planned for me behind those doors. You have a reputation. "

"What kind of father would I be if I didn't?" There was some shifting, papers on wood and clicking pens. "Come in, I won't bite."

Goro's lip twitched at the offhand 'joke' , and glared down the hall contemptuously. _ Here we go again. _

The guard let him in, and Goro almost forgot to thank him. At Shido's place, it was a whole new atmosphere. Every time he walked into the place, there was an underlying hint of rage or seriousness, yet today it was different. When he pushed the door open, the condo was brightly lit, the windows opened to the skyline just outside, and there were simple decorations littered about, just senseless clutter and stupid aesthetics that a grown man was stereotypically supposed to have (bourbon bottles, glass tumblers, scattered papers). He looked at all of with a disdainful eye, there was some strange taste in the air, he couldn't point it out, but there was something there in the air that was not of the norm, even in this day and age, and he felt sick to his stomach at the sight. It felt fake, like a bad dream, and he wanted to turn and get out of dodge as soon as possible. 

He took his shoes off still, setting them gently across from the man's. He appeared from the dark of the dimmed apartment with a small popper and pulled the string, blasting small confetti over the teen’s head, causing some to stick to his hair. The man clapped at him with a smile, and Goro warily inched back towards the door. He didn't trust this. Not at all. Despite the clear indication that Goro was definitely uncomfortable, his father still approached him, dusting the confetti from his hair then parting his bangs to plant a kiss on his forehead. Goro flinched inward, his stomach turning twice. Shido lifted his head, his hands on the teen’s cheeks now, and kissed him on the lips, it was short, barely lingering for longer than a split second, and Goro wanted to run.

"Thank you, Shido-san." He said it under a breath when his father pulled away, he shyly hid his face, he wasn’t blushing, far from it, he was actually probably turning a nasty shade of green. He was so fucking grossed out he had to divert his attention elsewhere. He feigned bemusement and commented on the decorations. "Did you do all this for me?"

"This? It was nothing really. Uh,” He looked around, pointed towards the bar, “You thirsty?”

“I-I’m a minor. I can’t drink.” He said nervously, fiddling with the bag in his hands. Shido scoffed at his good boy antics. 

“You’re seventeen and in the presence of an adult. You can do whatever you want right now.” He came up and grabbed his shoulder, steering him towards the large couch that faced the outside world. The evening coming like a breeze, the lights of the city flickering on as if on cue. Goro reluctantly went, very skeptical of the man’s intentions, and sat on the sofa, watching the outside and listening to the sounds of clinking metals and glasses, even the sound of a bottle being corked open. It was taking him some time, and Goro’s mind started to wander as the dark shadows of birds flew by. 

What was this for? What had he truly done that made Shido want to do this for him? Was Shido happy or was this another intricate game for him to drag Goro into just for shits and giggles. Goro fiddled with his bag. His gun was in there and a small dagger, he always had them around, even if he wasn’t going to be around Shido, but thinking about them made him ease up a little. Shido was strong, but bullets and anger were stronger. Still, there was a feeling inside of him that was...excited? No, happy? He couldn’t place the feeling, it was just something that rolled around in his belly and made him jittery. Goro was always looking for that man’s affection, his pat on the back and the sweet calmness of a loving parent. That was what he wanted, right? And now he was getting a slice of it in the form of a decorated apartment and gentle kisses, yet it wasn’t enough? 

How selfish was he? Shido had gone out of his way for him to blow up balloons and hang birthday signs, to invite him over and shower him with that love. He wanted to slap himself for being a piece of shit to always see his father as a bad man. Yeah, he’s done some terrible things to him but-

Goro shook his head. What was he thinking? Shido did more than enough to him, he was actually surprised he wasn’t fucking dead because of it. He rubbed his head, thinking about it all gave him a headache, then his stomach tinged. So he pressed on it, a small cramp and nothing more. He massaged it until it went away, and Shido returned, two glasses of red wine, one in each hand. He was smiling something furious, his eyes behind his glasses were clear, not a hint of lucidity in them, so this man was as sober as a dog. Goro smiled back almost as fully as Shido’s smirk.

Shido never smiled at him like this unless Goro did something right, and he couldn’t even see the excuse that it was because of his birthday. Goro could start smoking crack and this man wouldn’t bat an eyelash. Still, he sat next to him, leaning into him, almost draping himself over him like a blanket. 

“Thank you, Father. This is truly an excellent gift.” He gingerly took the offered glass with both hands and held it carefully, a split second flash in the liquid nearly shocked him into dropping the cup as Robin Hood's fearful pout came and went. He ignored it, playing winsome with the glass, a baby with a big cup. He knew he liked it when he played toddler, as if he needed him to be his father, and Goro even took the initiative to give him a wide-eyed look. Shido loved his eyes, he remembered hearing him say so a while back. That Goro’s eyes, despite complaining that they were a ‘creepy’ red, were interesting anyway. Goro didn’t really give a fuck either way, but he wanted to test Shido’s angle. What was all this really for? Shido watched him, something in his eyes sparking an idea at Goro’s display of childishness, clearing his throat when he heard Goro call him ‘Father and played darling. _ What a sick fuck, _ Goro thought sniffing the cup, _ Getting turned on by a kid. _

_ "You are not helping." _ Goro choked when Robin's voice filled his head, loud and clear. Shido laughed.

"This really is your first time. Take it slow and don't spill it."

"Y-Yes, Shido-san." 

He then sat up, facing Goro. The arm that was thrown around the back of the couch came up and took the hand that Goro held his glass in.

“A toast, to you.”

“A-a toast?” Goro acted surprised. “What for, Shido-san?”

“For your coming of age. You’re a man now.”

A man. It played in his head over and over again. Shido saw him as a man now, not some little kid, not some confused child- but a man, and boy to be called his son and his pride and everything else that title came with. Goro felt himself melting now, willing to do whatever for him. He was being praised, showered with his father’s approval. He blushed behind the cup.

“Father…”

Shido winked, raised the glass. “To my son: _ Shido Goro _ .” The name change nearly made the boy fucking choke. He never thought he would hear _ that _ come out of Shido’s mouth, and for some reason, it tasted sour. It didn’t sound like a son thing at all, more like a marriage toast to the bride. He side-eyed him, his name didn’t even sound real. Goro Shido? What the fuck? Was he adopting him now? A bit too late since he’s been emancipated since he was sixteen, and he wasn’t going to be under his custody, no fucking way. He didn’t want to toast, it felt like a contract, as if he were signing himself away to the devil in exchange for nothing. Still, for time’s sake, Goro clicked his glass against Shido’s, and their eyes locked, both of them sipping together, neither looking away. 

_ "You should stop. We need to go." _

_ "Shut up." _ He thought back. Robin was making him more worried than he already was, and he didn't need him telling him this was a bad idea. 

_ If I had the choice, do you really think I'd be here? _

The taste was...sweet. Sweeter than any other drink he’s ever had. It was like drinking melted candy or juice instead of wine. He wondered for half a second if Shido was playing him by pouring him a cup of juice and acting as if it were alcohol, and he expressed that to him with a boyish pout, refusing to drink more until Shido showed him the bottle. The man laughed, then pinched his cheek.

“You’re a real pain, you know that?” He shook his head and went to grab the bottle from the counter. Goro, still young and easily swayed by the lingering sweet aftertaste, drank more from his cup, downing the rest of it before Shido could even sit down again, and swiped his top lip with his thumb. There really was no way this was actually wine, there couldn’t possibly be any drink on god's earth with even a hint of alcohol in it that tasted as rich and syrupy. He licked his thumb, the sweetness had transposed onto it, and he felt the urge to suck on it. Shido came back with a large brown bottle and brandished it as if to say:_ 'See, I told the truth!'_, and Goro asked for another glass full. He obliged, pouring himself one as well. And like that, they talked and drank and stared outside. Goro felt relaxed against the man, felt as if he had nothing to fear from him, that his wrongs were somehow forgiven, and that it wouldn't kill him to put his head on his shoulder, to let him pet him with those hands. Shido's fingers went to his scalp and scratched. Goro leaned into it more.

_ "Goro! We need to go! This is bad!" _

"Maybe I should get you drunk more often if it means you'll be sweet to me." He continued petting him, and Goro drank more under the touch. "You're cute, you know that?"

Goro laughed, the drink was surely getting to his head, and he did feel a bit woozy under the influence along with the gentle and soothing ministrations on his head. He blinked heavily and felt himself growing drowsy, humming lightly when Shido praised his supposed cuteness.

"Haha...I'm cute...that's a first..." He mumbled with a laugh. It was a bit erratic, his laugh, choppy and cackling, and he leaned into his chest. Shido pinched the tip of his ear.

"You're also creepy as hell. What have I gotten myself into?" He said it mostly to himself, but Goro drunkenly chirped, finding it funny the sound of regret in his voice. Shido shook his head and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his inner jacket pocket and tapped one out. Goro eyed it with interest as if it were some candy and he a simple toddler who wanted to taste.

"You wanna try this? It might mess up that pretty voice of yours." 

Goro shrugged. "As if that'd change anything for you."

"You think it won't?" He asked challengingly, "What if I like my toys with pretty voices, what're you going to do?"

"Then I guess I won't be your whore anymore." Shido didn't like that one very much. He always disliked the idea of Goro not being under his heel anymore, even if it was a drunken joke or a passing whisper. He pushed the cigarette into Goro's mouth and took another one for himself. Goro wanted to chew on the stick, sink his teeth into the cotton and feel it mesh and break apart on his tongue but chose instead to copy his father's movements, letting it sit in his lips in wait for the igniting flame of the gas zippo.

Shido wasn't always bad. No one could ever be "all bad", he thought dreamily as the sceneries around him changed in blitzing speeds, the rooms, and halls blurring together in strange, nearly phantasmagoric ways. One minute he was in a brightly lit room that reminded him of gilded ballrooms, the next he was being led down a dreary hall that smelled of woman's perfume and burning wood, his senses were wild, his equilibrium thrown off course. He held on for dear life, or was he the one being held? And let himself be moved and swayed by hands and senses. 

He remembered most vaguely reaching out, touching someone, their skin soft and warm and malleable under his hands, the next he was being laid back, guided to rest upon a waiting mattress. Doors closed in quiet slicks, yet their locks were loud in his ears. His skin burned and also itched. A voice called to him, hands (or what he could assume were hands) touched his cheek, his forehead, and caressed his temple, running through his bangs slowly, relaxing him. 

He opened his eyes and saw himself holding onto him, stroking his head slowly, a look of woe upon his own face, and his eyes were a bright yellow as they looked away from him. 

"Goro..."

"Robin...Hood?"

He smiled sadly, those glowing amber eyes holding tears like water in a glass. 

"You are going to rest, Goro." His hand stroked Goro's face, a gentle caress over his face, Robin's skin was humanly warm, and Goro relaxed into the feeling. He wondered what he meant by rest...like, sleep? 

"Rest? But, aren't I...doing something...?"

Robin Hood laid his hand over Goro's mouth, snuffing his voice with the simple gesture. He chewed his lip in thought. 

"I will handle it. Do not worry about this, Goro. I will...take over from here." Goro's breathing was shallow, nervous but also strangely calm by the assertion, and then a hand went over his eyes, blocking all light and color from his senses. He fell into a deep darkness, a sweet oblivion of cool nothingness. No matter what he looked at, there was blackness and he felt nothing, naked, he looked at his hands and saw that his scars were gone, his bruises and faults all away. His hair flowed around his head, and he simply closed his eyes to rest as his dear persona had said. When else was he to feel such unadulterated peace and quiet?

As Goro slept in that deep dark, Robin Hood, ever so brave as his namesake and ever so fearless, took his place as he said he would. He sat on the bed and waited for the man to appear before him, to do to him as he would to Goro, and fiddled nervously with the bedsheets. He took Goro's clothes off, shaking fingers and sweaty skin, he wondered how a person could do such a thing to their child, to a poor boy like Goro, who was already destroyed and untrusting...what was the point? The reason? Naked too, he crawled into the bed and covered himself with the sheet. He had never fronted for him before, as he was a fairly new persona and hadn't had the time to figure out he could do so. He wondered if Loki ever did.

Shido came in, sitting on the bed and Robin Hood rose to meet him, wary and unsure, keeping close to himself. Shido eyed him, confused most likely about his behavior, and held an arm to him.

"You're acting strange."

"Am I, Shido-san?" He moved his hair, "I suppose, I am nervous."

"Nervous? Would you like something for that?" He hugged Robin Hood close to his body. 

"I-I do not want to do anything tonight, Sir..." He pushed away, "P-please do not make me tonight." He got to his knees on the bed as the man got up from the spot beside him, his back facing him, assumably preparing to leave him. "Perhaps some other time? Please do not be upset with me..."

"Some other time, huh? That's too bad, now isn't it, considering you said the same last week." Robin bit his tongue, the realization striking through him. How could he have forgotten that? He was present when Goro said it! He shook, wrapping the sheet around his shoulders as Shido smiled at him. The man touched his face with the back of his hand. "You're a bit warm, and you're shaking terribly. Don't worry, I have something that can help you relax again. " He stood up and Robin stumbled over his words as the man left him in the room again. He jumped from the bed and locked the door, shaking legs barely keeping him upright as he walked back towards the bed, watching the door. He looked around for somewhere to hide. To get away, yet there was nowhere for him to go, trapped floors above the ground in a room, the only place to hide would have been the closet or the connected bathroom.

He checked the pile of clothes for Goro's phone, and cursed. Where did he put it? Or did Shido take it while he swapped places with Goro? He looked around frantically again, then clenched his eyes shut, trying to make it back to that place, that dark room in the depths of Goro's Palace.

_ "Loki! Loki, help me!" _

And he clumsily stumbled into Loki's arms, hugging him tight and practically sobbing into his chest. Loki held him loosely with one arm, always the nonchalant one, he emoted nothing towards the other, even when he looked at him tearfully.

"What is it?"

"Loki, help me! I don't know what to do!"

"With what?"

"W-were you not listening?" 

Loki was not. And he still wasn't. He spaced out and rubbed his ear, not at all paying attention to Robin's distress. He gripped the front of Loki's outfit, drawing him back to him. 

"Shido! He is going to hurt me!"

"And? No one told you to try to be a savior, Robin." He pinched his nose, "This is your fault."

His eyes went wide and he shakily let go of the other persona. Unbelieving of what he had just said, he stared timorously at his retreating back, the pattern on his clothes blending into one the farther he moved away. Robin steeled himself and chased after him, grabbing his tattered cape. Loki glared and took his hand off him.

"Don't touch me."

"Help me."

"No." He started walking again, pushing the large ivory door open to the main hall where few shadows walked many seldom entered. Robin Hood kept following him like a duckling, and it both angered and amused Loki. "And stop following me."

"Not until you help me." He whined, clearly anxious about whether or not the other was serious in his refusal, and when Loki didn't pay him any mind, walking down the red-carpeted spiral stairs, Robin tried to run ahead of him to stop him, but tripped, causing them both to tumble down the staircase. On top, Robin Hood pressed Loki's shoulders to the ground.

"Now, you must help me! We don't have-"

"I said no! And stop touching me!" He pushed him off, the main persona, Loki was still much stronger than Robin, even if he wasn't used quite as much recently. Robin stumbled back and shrunk away from him. 

"I just want to know what to do-"

"** _Nothing_ ** ! We don't do ** _anything_ ** ! We just _ sit _ and _ wait _ until he's done." He stood and thundered towards Robin Hood, grabbing him harshly by the arm, the talons of his gloves digging into him, and pulled him to his feet. He angrily forced him to walk. 

"W-why!?" He struggled against his touch. 

"Why do you think?" He spat, lunging Robin Hood through the towering front doors of their castle home, the metal doors swinging open to show the dark of the mind, and Robin caught the evil look that marred Loki's face as he teetered at the threshold, only being held there by Loki's hold. Anxiously, he looked from the outside to Loki's twisted grin and darkening eyes.

"Listen to me: We are in the business of _ revenge _, Robin. When the day comes, oh how sweet it will be when we destroy him. Our revenge will be so much sweeter. You seem to not understand it yet, so why don't you go learn?"

He let him go with a push of his knuckles, throwing him into the dark depths. Robin yelled, hand outstretched but unable to grab at anything, and returned to Goro's body with a lurch and. The feeling could be equated to sitting down too fast, the breath taken from your lungs and your body momentarily hollow until it came to your body's attention that it was in a different position. His outstretched hand grabbed at nothing. He was laying on the floor, going into the palace did that, it was one of the few things that made it hard to allow personas to interact with the real world. It caused their master's body to go limp and drop, no matter where they were or what they were doing. It required complete and utter trust and risk. 

Sitting up, he wondered how much time had passed, he assumed that not much had, as the door jerked against the lock, Shido returning. The lock sounding put a heavy feeling in his stomach, and he inched away from the door. He heard him laugh.

"You're very predictable, Goro." Robin stood, watching the door, "This panic you're facing, it's all very predictable." There was a scratching on the wood, fingers sliding along the face towards the lock. "It's alright to panic, Goro. That is a sign of acceptance. You're scared of accepting me, and I know it, which is why I'm going to help you."

"No...no..." Robin backed away more, tripping on the leg of the bed that hit his heel. The lock turned and his heart sunk deep into his chest. The door opened and Shido walked in, his expression not at all matching the tone of his voice. His face was set and angry, his eyes burrowing into Robin's, and he held a glass of water in one hand, closing the door with the other. The persona kept backing away, and it made Shido angrier, but he didn't chase him, and met Robin's panicked eyes, reading them like a children's book and reforming his attitude to match him, forming himself to be the calm in the room, turn the problem onto Robin instead of himself. He sighed.

"I see, maybe tonight isn't so good." He shrugged broad shoulders, "Here, I brought you some water to sober you up a bit. You can put your clothes on and leave if you want. I'll be in my study." He put the glass on the side table near the bed and went to leave. He looked over his shoulder, suddenly remembering. "I was going to save it for later, but your cake is in the fridge. Take some before you go, alright?" 

Alone again, Robin Hood stared at the glass on the table. Inside the palace, he never felt thirst or hunger, as he wasn't an actual being on his own. It was all what Goro felt and wanted that he would also, but now that he was in his body at the moment, he felt what he assumed those things were; his lips were dry and stuck together, the tongue in his mouth rough and pressing against the roof of his mouth. Was that thirst? He licked his lips, thinking. What would be so wrong with drinking that water? It wouldn't kill him, would it? He looked away from it. The man probably laced it with something, Robin wasn't that stupid, and he started putting Goro's clothes back on, throwing the sheet back onto the bed. He approached the glass, smelled the liquid, and tasted it from a drop on his finger. 

Robin realized the problem with his situation was that he had never drunk water a day in his life. He didn't know what it was supposed to taste like, so this dull, clear liquid that he brought to his tongue could have been sewage for all he knew. He thought of asking Loki about it, then frowned because he wouldn't help him anyway. He looked into it, and Loki's visage trickled in.

_ "You're right. I won't help you." _

"Then why bother me now?"

_ "Because I'll tell you this: drink water from the faucet and _ ** _don't_ ** _ eat that cake." _

"Cake? There's a cake?" Robin's mind started wandering to different cakes. He had never eaten a cake before, but Goro liked them, so he assumed they were good. He touched his chin in thought and Loki scoffed.

_ "Are you an idiot? Of course, there's a cake, he just said so." _

"Hmm, cake..."

_ "Hey! Listen to me- don't eat that cake and if you're thirsty, drink from the sink. You at least know what that is, don't you?" _

"Of course I do. If Goro knows it then so do we!" He fiddled with his hair, "I have just...never had these feelings. what is hunger? Thirst?"

Loki sighed. _ "I'm not answering that. Just leave as soon as possible, got it? Then give Goro his body back, you're useless in it and just as pathetic out of it. Hurry up and come back." _

And then Loki was gone. He frowned at the cup. How rude of him! Calling him pathetic and useless when he offered the bare minimum of help. Robin Hood left the bedroom and walked down the hall and back into the front of the apartment. The place was empty, and he assumed it was so that Shido at least told the truth about being in his study. He went to the kitchen and found the sink. Faltering on the dials, he turned one to its full release and put his hand under it. 

Feelings. Sensations like these were...so rare and overwhelming. Goro felt this every day? Robin couldn't do it! The water on his hand was...well, how to say it? It bit bitterly into his palm, but it was also such a welcoming sensation, covering his skin and sending a nice rush across his skin. This must have been _ hot _ . This must have been _ heat _. He cupped his hands under the torrent and caught some in his palms, bringing it to his mouth and drinking. The warm water filled him, sent a shiver and blush along his body. Hot water, was it? He wished they had some in the palace. 

He looked and saw steam rising, and went to draw more to quench his thirst, but jerked away at the burning water. So quickly did it change from welcoming warmth to painful heat, and he quickly stopped it, going for the other dial, of which he assumed was _ cold _. Same as the first, he was captivated by the chill, then found that it was much more familiar to him than the heat. Yes, this cold, the chill in his hands then down his throat was not as new as he assumed it was. It was the same as the breezes that blew in from the darkness, through windows, and down the winding halls. He drank more of it, happily gulping it down.

His water adventure was over in a few moments, and he turned his attention to the fridge. He knew what this was! Although Goro rarely went into the one at his home, he understood that this was where food was kept to not spoil and to stay cold. He opened it and saw a light blue box sitting amongst the other various groceries inside, and he could barely contain his excitement. He reached in and took the box to the counter, and popped it open excitedly. He was greeted by a layered circle cake, thick white icing coating it evenly, and whipped dollops dotted the top, lightly sprinkled with small candies and sugared fruit. 

Robin was explicitly told not to eat the cake. The cake was a lie, as Goro often said.

** _But_ **.

He was weak. And sometimes very stupid. And if Loki wanted to be mean, he would be mean and petty back. He swiped at the cake with his finger, the consistency of the icing was very soft despite being in the fridge, and it melded around his finger in puffs. It was sweet and melted on his tongue when it hit the warm muscle, and he immediately succumbed to those "sins of the flesh" the man in the school chapel often said. He expected Loki to come back and admonish him for his blatant ignoring, but when he found a knife to cut the cake and there was no interruption, he assumed he really meant it that he wouldn't assist him.

He ate his cake at the bar. Alone to think, he remembered what Loki had said about being in this so-called _ "business of revenge" _. What had that meant? What business were they part of? They weren't being paid for revenge, were they? When had he signed up for that? 

He hummed as he ate, losing himself in his crisscrossing thoughts about business and revenge and cake and what water really was and tasted like. He hadn't noticed he was finished with his plate and that Shido was leaning against the kitchen wall, staring directly at him. Robin jumped so hard he almost fell from his seat.

"You're eating it." Shido deadpanned. He held back a smile. "How do you like it?"

"Oh, haha......ha…" he cleared his throat, "It is delicious, thank you for buying it." His stomach started to feel funny and his arms started to feel a bit heavier, but he chalked it up to Shido being there. The man clicked his tongue, studying him. 

"Really? What does it taste like?" He slowly approached the countertop where the cake sat, touched it, and tasted it himself. Robin Hood coughed into his fist, feeling partially drowsy all of the sudden. Was this what happened after eating?

"Well, I taste, um," What...did he taste? It was sweet and creamy, he knew that but, he was wildly inexperienced in this field. What were flavors? What where tastes? "cream!" He faked a cheerful laugh, and Shido raised his eyebrow at him.

"You're swaying, Goro."

"Am I?" He laughed nervously. Man, why did his heart sound so loud in his ears? He touched them, his ears, and felt that they were burning hot against his fingers. His cheeks flushed and he wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. "Oh dear…it appears that I am...quite dizzy. Haha..."

"You're going to faint."

"I-"

There was a thunk. Clattering metal and porcelain. And there was nothing. He could feel himself breathing, feel how hot his body was and his heartbeat in his ears. Was he..going back to the palace? No...it didn't feel like this. This was wrong and strange, his body shouldn't have felt this heavy and limp. He tried to peek, but his vision was blurred beyond recognition. Hands touched his face, moving the hair from over his ear, lips touched the curve of his ear. The breaths seared into him, whispering.

"I'll be honest, I didn't think you'd eat the cake." He kissed the cartilage, "Don't worry, you'll be asleep in a bit. I almost think that you wanted to do this tonight, the way you walked right into it." A wet sensation went along his ear but Robin couldn't do anything about it, only muster a heavy blink and slow breathing. "I'll make you feel good tonight. It is _ your _ birthday."

Robin's eyes closed finally, asleep. He didn't feel himself being moved or laid onto the bed he had mussed and mused in. He was just…

Gone. 

Away in slumber.

If the question ever arose on whether personas could dream or if they dreamt of shadow sheep, the answer would be: yes. Except those that were not acquired through Igor, such as Loki and Robin Hood. So, instead of dream, he rested on the cusp of sleep and waking, staying just barely conscious to feel and hear, but could do little else. Something pressed against him, something large and hot, heavy as a steel pipe. He thought of pushing it away, but it pressed and pressed until it was taking his breath away, and his body, on reflex and attempt to save itself, made him push. 

It was just...so heavy. So burning and heavy, he couldn't do anything. His arms weak, it was as if he were trying to push a boulder with a stick. He pushed and pushed, but the weight wouldn’t shift. It wouldn’t move, it just laid over him. Robin felt hands all over his body, felt them up his shirt and down his legs. They were on his hips, on his thighs. It felt wrong, this thing felt wrong, whatever it was. He cracked his eyes open, blurry gaze catching nothing but color, the hue of skin and nothing more. Was there someone...on him? Who? He wrecked his brain, trying to remember. Who was it, who was the last person he saw that day? His brain was so foggy that it was impossible to even think of a simple word, let alone engender a face.

_ “Please...-” _

It moved and it hurt, it hurt like burning iron seeping into his skin. It felt like a wound being ripped with bare hands and clenched fists. When the ability returned to him, he gripped it back, his nails sinking into it. Yes, this was flesh and bone, and it was moving on him, it was hurting him but he couldn't stop it. He groaned in pain, his head singing and throbbing. His eyes fell closed again, his body rattling with shuddering breathes and an erratic heart, his hands fell limply to his sides. He could only breath and groan, and his face was moved and on his lips, there was press, gentle and slight, it stopped his breath for a moment. It pulled away, then came again, rougher, harsher, more wanting and desperate for a response. It was suffocating. His body was moved again, some parts lifting, others twisting and sinking, his body felt cold suddenly, his skin bare. It then, in a surprising turn, began to hurt everywhere. Between his legs and up his body, the pain seemed to spread all over him and ached. He closed his eyes, shut out the sight of being used, he tried to not hear it, the harsh voice above him that huffed and grit when Goro’s body reflexively tightened. 

_ "Stop it...please,stop.." _

Was that him? Was that his voice? So puny and pathetic-- was that coming from him? It sounded so distant, so far away from himself, he couldn't believe it, but sounded like him. Who else could it be? Why was he saying these things?

_ "Stop..it hurts..." _

His voice left him in a rattled gasp. It hurt and it hurt and it kept hurting until tears went down his cheeks, his head tossed back and deep shivers rocked though him. This pain was immense, overwhelming and stabbing, it was relentless and frightening. It kept coming, the repeated motions, his brain was overworking, his mind-numbing, shutting down, closing all shutters as if stores locking for the night.

What was he to do? What could he do? 

Nothing was all he could do, and it was what he had done.

Robin had fallen back into the palace, awoke in his bed with a familiar shadow straddling him. Robin screamed, forcing Loki to drop a taloned hand over his mouth, pushing the leather of his gloves into the other's mouth and keeping him pressed to the bed. He smiled wickedly at him.

"So, little Robin," He sneered, "how was it? Didn't it hurt?" His talons dug into Robin's cheek, "Don't you want to rip his disgusting tongue right out of his fucking mouth?" He leaned closer, pressing their foreheads together, "Can't you see why we want out revenge so bad? Our revenge …how sweet it will be…" The other's shoulders shook with a trembling laugh, that inner insanity that proved the true divide between him and Robin Hood creeping into it. "Aren't you excited about it?"

Loki took his hand from Robin's mouth, looking around the room as if he were hearing something, distracted suddenly. Robin sucked in a breath. 

"You've had your fun, Robin. Now it's my turn to show myself to him."

+

Goro jolted awake with a start, head pounding with his heartbeat. He studied his surroundings 

He looked to his side and Shido’s strong back was facing him, cold and loveless. Goro sat up quietly, his legs aching and his privates burned. He was confused, mind drawing blanks all over. He pressed his head, trying to dull the throb.

"Shido? Why is he?" He groaned in pain, this headache was going to kill him. He pressed the bridge of his nose. "And my--why does it hurt? It feels..." He slunk a hand under the blanket, feeling around for that weird texture, both wet and dry feel between his legs, and felt the cracking remains on his inner thighs and, then the wet between them. He retracted his hand slowly, still not sure if he was even truly awake, and looked at his fingers.

Red. Blood red and wet, he felt them with his thumb and tested its texture. 

"What?" He gulped, and lifted the blanket fully, looking between his parted thighs, and covered his mouth with to suppress a cry. It was awful, the sight. What he saw did not match how it felt-- the pain was not at all what one would assume from the scene. There was blood everywhere, smeared on his inner thighs and staining the sheets in a stark shift of color. His groin was painted red with it, and he swore there were smudges of fingers on his lower stomach. He touched it, morbidly curious, and turned away, wiping his entrance with shaking fingers. He brought them out and saw that he was defiled to the highest degree. It wasn’t just blood and semen, and it was rank with the stench of copper and sweat. Shido actually did it. He took him and made him something disgusting. Something nasty and tarnished. He was wasted goods, a bad egg that had been slammed to the ground. 

Goro sprang from the bed and stumbled into the bathroom, his bloody fingers smearing the door frame, and he threw up. It wouldn’t stop, the heaving and hacking, his lunch from the night before, the drinks and nicotine all poured out of him and into the porcelain bowl. He was disgusting. He was a worthless piece of trash that had no more meaning, no more worth. If people found out about this--the backlash would ruin him. He’d be killed, publicly ostracized and alienated. He heaved into the bowl, and tears started falling from his pressed eyes. His muscle clenched and his stomach hurt. This was not the first, but it felt so...it felt somehow worse than all those times before. It was the blatant mistrust, the sheer act alone and the means. He heard steps behind him and spotted the culprit.

“Are you alright?” It was almost deferential if one were stupid enough to ever think the man had a feeling bone in his body.

“...”

“Say something, goddamnit. Don’t tell me you’re mad at me over this shit. It’s your own damn fault for getting reckless like that, get it?”

Goro said nothing. Thinking. His body was years ahead of his brain, and Shido towering over him made it worse.

“Playing silent, huh? Figures. Always the victim, aren’t you? Always the one who’s never to fucking blame. This time, it was your fault. I didn't do this on my own.” He thought he was being sagacious, but in reality, he was talking out of his ass and trying to ward off any of those disgusting things called 'regret' and being 'apologetic'. Goro simply slouched forward, defeated. 

“I-I said no…” He hiccuped. He shook his head. "Didn't I? I don't remember...what happened?"

Shido scoffed, "Of course you did. You always do." He leaned against the doorway, "But we did everything you wanted to do, Goro. Just so you know." He was getting irritated, he could tell by the contemptuous smirk on his face and the slight hint of anger in his voice. Goro, tired, defeated and emboldened by the slight removal from his physical and emotional forms, he rubbed his face with a clammy hand and chortled.

"Really?" He had to laugh, "Everything I wanted to do? That's impossible, there's nothing I would ever do with you." He laughed, "Nothing at all. You--you ruined me, you know that?"

The man kept smirking. He didn't care, he thought it was funny. Funny how now Goro was at his feet, his knees to the bathroom floor, groveling over a toilet as if it were a patron saint and he was looking for a blessing. Funny, was Goro, as he started to mindlessly spill his guts to the disgusting wimp of a man that stood behind him. 

"Did I?"

"You ruined me. You took everything from me, did you know that? My mother, my childhood. My life." He sniffled, rubbed his burning eyes. This emotional fabian strategy was working on him, had done so for a while now, but this was the final fort that needed to be pierced. His last hope, the ability to keep his mouth shut and remain a shell, was wearing away. "I have nothing. I have no health, no friends, no sense of self--are you happy with that, Shido? Are you proud of what you've done?" 

There was silence then. The tension rose with immensely, became so thick and palpable that it was bitter, dry, and it was interminable, just dragging and dragging tiresomely long. He expected Shido to say something, anything in response, but there was not a word from his lips, not even a sigh or a groan.

"Sorry. I should be going. I have school today." Standing was hard, his legs weak and trembling beneath him, knees rattling together as he hoisted himself slowly with the support of the porcelain, then leaning on the sink counter. Shido was watching him, glaring burning daggers into his back, "Are you going to just watch me all day? Don't you," He took a breath, stretching his back slightly, "...have a job to do?"

Shido, silent as ever, turned his back to him, and left the bathroom, closing the door in his leave, leaving Goro completely alone. He collapsed against the sink, gripped the counter hard with angry hands, and lifted his gaze to the mirror for the first time that day. He was pale, red eyes and messy, his hair tangled beyond what he could fix with his own hands, and he met his reflected eyes, staring into them, their deep red in his reflection hard and dark. He searched for Robin Hood in that mirror, but found someone else. His reflection was a different person, someone much angrier and willing to risk it all than who Goro really was and what Robin Hood could ever be. This reflection was of pure destruction and rage, not the childlike innocence that was Robin. He reached out, touched the mirror, and their hands met, the touch cold.

_"He's going to regret it."_ His reflection whispered auspiciously, _"He's going to regret what he's done to **us**."_

Goro let out a shuddering breath, excited to have found a confidant so close to him. That was him but equally not. He breathily laughed, leaning closer to hear more of what this other-self had to say to him.

_"We will make him pay. We're going to make him suffer."_ He cut himself off with a cheeky laugh that erupted between them both, tumbling from their throats. So similar, identical. _"How dare he? Huhu--we're going to destroy him, Goro."_ Their foreheads met on the glass, their eyes never breaking contact until he blinked, asking who this alter self was, if he were not him or Robin from before.

_"You know me, Goro-look at me,"_ He glanced up, a flicker of some near insane playfulness in those eyes, and a grin spread."_'I am thou, thou art I'_,_ remember?"_

"You're not Robin Hood."

_"Of course not. I am Loki. Your first and most important persona." _

Of course! Who else could it have been that exuded this fierce air, this conflagration of intense and raging will to tear asunder? Who else but that mischievous and oft mistaken for inherently _evil,_ Loki of Jotunheim? His first persona. His beloved persona.

_ "You want to hurt him, don't you? Then I ask that you lend me your body when I need it, and I will make sure you reap your rewards, Goro. I will save you. **Me, and me alone"**. _

"Yes." Goro hissed, "Come to me, **_Loki_**."

In the inner palace gardens, Robin Hood felt a wind blow, cold as he knew it, and took a momentary pause from reading to the Agathions. He looked around the space, sky reddening outside the large windows. What had Loki done? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey I named my thief group watchtower so like that's why charas will say "Oh like Watchtower!" instead of Phantom Thieves or w/e. Just lore fhkfgh ???  
i got another chapter to publish but i have to go to work so yes I explained the twist i think dont get your hopes up djgfkj also yeah ig you can say i actually made the theives jehovah's bfhfhf I'm sorry but Its that or goroboys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw i hated the crow look i think they should've just slapped goro in the p2 Apollo look and called it a fucking day tbh like deadass crows suit was super ugly zndhdv which is why everytime i write about it i change some part so yes goro wears red gloves with his crow suit why the fuck not

In the palace, Robin Hood was staring idly out of the drawing-room windows, watching the once neutral sky peter into red at the curving horizons and the simple clouds turn pink as they breezed along. What had Loki done? Why was this happening? The book in his lap left forgotten, the story unread, and a dull throb of panic settled into his stomach.

The doors opened loudly, their hinges sounding when the large wood doors parted. He looked towards them, and in lumbered two Jack Frosts.

“Hidey-Ho, Robin Ho!”

“Hidey-Ho!”

Robin Hood chuckled. It appeared that he was the only one in the house who liked Jack Frost and his denominations, and he responded with an amused _ ‘Hidey-Ho!’. _

“What are you two doing here?”

“Loki-Hoo! “

“Loki-Hoo says come here!”

“Oh dear...does he now?” He looked back to the sky, “What does he want me for? Any other time he wants to do things on his own.”

“Hee-Ho! He’s gotta plan, hee!”

“Hee-hee! A plan to get revenge, hee-hoo!”

Robin Hood frowned at the mention of revenge, hating the bitter taste that it left in the back of his normally untasting mouth, and grimaced. He fully turned away from the shadows. 

“Then tell him I do not wish to speak to him. He may have his plans to himself for I want nothing of his foolishness. And you may tell him I said so,_ verbatim _.” 

He opened his book to a random page and pretended to become engrossed in it, ignoring the fearful glances the two shadows share as they stood behind him. They did not move from their spot, staring at him, as he could see from his peripheral. He closed the book around his finger and angrily demanded that they go and do as he asked. They nodded and left him, the doors closing with a loud bang. The book in Robin’s hand was then passingly glanced at, then discarded onto the table beside his chair as he reclined into the cushion, groaning.

“His plan--why does he wish for my help now? Because of what I experienced with that man? Am I only useful to him now that I am in my own pain?” Robin’s frown turned to an angry scowl. “His revenge is upsetting me...the entire prospect of it is upsetting me. Somehow, I do not feel he truly is after revenge, but that is just too cliche...I’m curious as to what he would want from me though, in regards to this revenge plan.”

The drawing room doors reopened forcefully, making Robin jerk and turn in surprise to see three more armored guards walk in, demanding his cooperation.

“I have already declined! Tell Loki that I do not wish to be involved with his schemes!” He stood from the seat aggressively, standing firm on his refusal. The guards looked among themselves, and the foremost apologetically responded that Robin Hood did not have an option in the matter, stepping forward to Robin’s space.

“You have to come with us. Master Loki’s orders.”

“_ Master Loki?! _” He asked quizzaciously, “What foolishness is this now? He is no more your master than Goro is your peasant!”

“Master Robin, you must come with us! Master Loki’s plan will liberate Lord Goro’s mind!”

“Yes, Lord Goro will be freed from his coils--do you not want to assist in that?”

Robin tsked, offended at the accusatory tone in their voices.

“Of course I do, but this revenge is not the way! And do not call me master!” He waved a dismissive hand, “Now begone again, and do not vex me with Loki’s foolishness!”

“I’m sorry, but we cannot do that. If you do not come with us willingly, we will have to force you.”

“What? Excuse me?”

“Master Loki’s orders!” The guard forcefully grabbed Robin’s wrist and held it in a tight grip, yanking him along. Robin pulled away from the vice but it was useless. “You will come with us.”

“Unhand me!”

The guard pulled him and the others surrounded him to block off any escape should his wrist slip free. He looked between them and kept struggling.

Outside, Goro’s head pounded beneath his hand that tried to calm it away. It was a troublesome headache, no, a migraine of extreme proportions that left his right ear ringing and his muscles to spasm, forcing his eye to begin to twitch. Goro’s blunt nails pushed into the skin of his temple and frustration mounted inside, teeth gritted and jaw locked, at the back of his throat he tasted a slightly metallic taste.

“Ugh…!” 

His left hand gripped his pant leg hard, grounding himself to the room all the while the pain in his brain tried to knock him out. His entire right side was failing on him, his right eye not only twitching but tearing up and the vision blurring and blacking. 

“Ah-argh!” He doubled over where he sat, and inside his psyche, unknown to him, Robin Hood was fighting against his captors and their iron grips, there forceful pushing of him to keep his feet moving and his struggles to a minimum.

“I said unhand me this instant!” He jerked his arm again, his heels digging into the thick carpeting, and the guard, clearly irritated with him now, yanked him until he fell hard to his knees. A metal gloved hand came down on the back of his neck and gripped it as if it were the scruff of an animal. Robin shouted, the metal cold and the unchipped slices of their joints cut into his flesh.

“Why are you being so bothersome?” The guard pulled him by his neck, “Just walk!”

_ “Augh!” _

“Augh!” Goro’s head flew back, the pain now surpassing anything he had felt before. There was a pressure on his cranium, pushing deeper and deeper on his brain and skull, the sharp stabbing pains were driving him mad, hitting every nerve they could reach. His hand caught his hair and pulled it, his other hand balled into a fist that he slammed against the wall hard enough to cause a dent and the sound to be heard in the next room. His breathing was ragged, uneven and spittle ran down his chin. He shouted when Robin Hood shouted inside him, and with every wound the persona took, the greater the throb and push on Goro’s head.

“Behave!” The guard moved him by his neck up the stairs and threw him through the hidden entrance located at the very top behind a bookcase that awaited them at the center of the hall. He rolled into a room, much larger than most of the other bedrooms in the palace, and it doubled for Loki as both his bedroom and strategy room. He gave Robin Hood a passing and bored look from the table that he sat at, its surface covered in papers and a stack of books he was sure the other had never read.

“You made it. I’m glad you did.” He mocked him from his seat, looking down on him, “Let’s discuss our plan.”

_ “Your _ plan. Do not drag me through your mud, you vile and loathsome pig.”

Loki tried to keep a face of neutrality as Robin Hood stood from his spot, dusting off his pristine clothing. He did not step forward, and did not show any outward interest in what Loki had to say or wanted to say. They stared at each other for heavy seconds, each one gaining more and more tension. It snapped when Robin turned on his heel to leave.

“Robin.” Loki began to stand. “My...dear Robin Hood. My partner.”

Robin Hood did not face him, did not respond. How Loki’s voice drawled into a somber tone, the faux whisper of regret in his voice and way he formed each word to make Robin feel guilty for turning away from him. He closed his hands into fists, the leather of his gloves tightening and squeezing on his fingers. Robin Hood and Loki had a relationship built on nothing but contempt for one another, neither caring for the other more than they needed to, and hating each other more than they should’ve. The only thing they could agree on was that they felt ultimately neutral to one another, and that everything they did was for the betterment of Goro. Robin Hood tried not to hate Loki. He really, really tried not to blow his fuse at him, to grab him and shake the fact into him that he did not want to be his enemy, but truly his friend and partner for better or worse, but the days kept passing and more and more did they drift apart, much to Robin's displeasure.

Robin Hood knew that it was impossible to be liked by everyone, even some of the guards in the palace did not like him, but by jove did he try. Loki did not reciprocate his desire to collude and be friends, and eventually, as all things that exist this way, they became two sides of a bottomless ravine, daring each other to approach the rickety bridge that connected them. Robin Hood was always the optimist, and was always the one to step forward first and risk the fall, and Loki always tried to stay nonchalant, but the closer Robin got, the more he squirmed away and shunned him. 

Damned if he did, damned if he didn’t.

Robin was giving up his faith in Loki, and losing it fast. He hated him, but he also pitied him. He revered him and was disgusted by him. When he had first seen his true form, it was nauseating, the absolute epitome of a disaster on hooves, some demon of black blood and smoke. When Loki saw him, he wondered if he felt the same amount of disgust and loathing he did. Was Loki jealous of him? Did he really hate him? He didn’t know, cared, but couldn’t find out. He looked at him finally and saw him removing his gloves, exposing the rarely seen hands that hid beneath them. Much like his own, they were cold and long and had all the ability to maim and wound.

“Robin, would you like to hear our plan?”

“Did I not say that I want no part?” He kept watching his angular hands, dexterous fingers twitching and touching each other. They rolled up his patterned sleeves and he saw the twin scars they shared on their wrists. “Do not-”

_ “‘Drag me through your mud.’ _. I heard you. And I didn’t like that answer, so I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say it.”

“Then what was the point of having me brought here if you are going to ignore my every word?” 

Robin Hood fought the urge to step away when Loki began to walk towards him in a stalking saunter. Loki placed bare hands on Robin’s shoulders, played with the gold tassels of his epaulettes, and smiled.

“Because I want you to know your role. It’ll be better this way if you do.”

Robin moved but Loki’s grip grounded him. 

“I said-”

“I know.”

Loki reached down and took Robin’s hands into his own, surprisingly tender in action and movement, and it confused Robin as to what part of him in this conversation was real. Were his words the facade to save face that he was uncaring? Or was the slowness of his hands and the way they held his as if though they were the most precious things? What and who was Loki really? Loki pulled at the tip of Robin’s gloves, each finger getting a slight pull to loosen the glove’s hold, while he started to speak, knowing that Robin’s mind was preoccupied with trying to crack the code of what this meant.

“Our plan is fool-proof. We will not fail.”

Pull. His thumb was loose.

“Your role is pivotal. I can’t do this without you. I can’t do a lot without you.”

Next, his pointer.

“I will be your backup. Your saving grace.”

His middle. He could feel the air seeping beneath the fabric.

“You’ll be doing a lot of work. I’ll really be counting on you.”

His ring finger. Robin choked at the admittance of being needed. Loki had rarely said anything of the sort to him, ever. They all shared the need to be wanted, because Goro felt the need, but Loki was stubborn and crass and refused to admit that he wanted to be someone’s something. He forced himself onto them, forcing them to make him useful, but the other way around could not be done. He was a babe in that way. He pulled the leather over his pinky.

“Will you do this for me, my Robin?”

“I-I-”

The glove came off completely, pulled off unceremoniously and before Robin could jerk away, Loki locked their bare hands together, pressed flush were their cool palms and entwined their fingers, though one hand still bore that crimson glove. Loki’s bare hand, the oft unseen and even rarer touched, was soft, his nails fine and the perfect point to those long fingers. 

"Do you like this? Do you like me touching you?"

"N-no. Not at all--let me go."

Loki grinned, not releasing him, finding victory in the way Robin swallowed and kept eyeing their hands. He clearly enjoyed it for something deeper than it really was, and it burned Loki every second he had to hold him. He used his other hand to bend Robin Hood's head forward and met their temples, identical hair meshing together, his hand lingered at the back of his twin's neck and mindfully tapped his fingers along the arch. Humming, he allowed Robin to relax onto him. 

"I-"

"You."

"I cannot do this…"

"You can because you are righteous and good. You have a sharp mind and a heart that feels." He tangled his fingers in Robin's hair. "You are my other half, Robin. My better half, the_ right _half. Without you, Goro wouldn't be here. We'd be too sloppy, out of focus and nearly foaming out the mouth."

"Loki…" His red hand lifted, sheepishly trembled at the want to touch Loki back in the same way. Feel his breathing, the rumble of his voice. The cloth of his clothing, the buckles and straps that lined him. He inhaled. This closeness was what he had wanted, just to have the option to be so free and able to do_ this _ to be wanted and ultimately _ needed. _

"You can touch me. I don't bite."

The hand in Robin's hair left his neck vacant and grabbed Robin's floating wrist, just as he was going to lay it upon his chest. He gasped and looked to his face.

"But, to get what _ you _ want, you need to earn it. Is that not correct?"

"You-you're holding yourself hostage from me?"

"I'm holding my _affections_ hostage from you. We both know you want _my_ heart," He pressed Robin's hand to his face, nuzzled it. There was a flicker of disappointment in his eyes at the redirection. It was true, Robin did not want Loki's body, he wanted his soul and what it meant to truly be his friend. His other half. He wanted to feel his chest, right over where that aforementioned heart would be sitting, beating and pumping his life and be contented with knowing he had broken through the ice and hit the water.

"Loki."

"Will you do this for me?"

"What...what do you need from me?" 

And that was it. What was done was needed to be accomplished had been so. Loki could almost laugh at how easy Robin Hood was to finesse around his finger. How simple-minded the helpless romantics were no matter where they were from or what creed, give them the promise that you will give what they are giving, and it is all silver mounds from there. As they say, if a man is hungry, he will eat. If a man is starving, he will devour, and Robin was well past starving for him. Loki, though as conniving and charming as he was, felt a spike of dread. He’d have to play open-hearted and kind to the other to keep him willing and ready, but fuck if it were going to get him his version of justice and revenge without too much trouble, he would do it. 

“Thank you, Robin.”  
“Yes, but what is my role, Loki?”

“Your role,” He tapped the tip of his nose, “is to get into Shido’s bald little head, make him trust you make him _ think _ we’ve come around. Make Shido-”

“You want me to whore myself for him?”

“Not _ for _ , but _ to _ him. Emotionally so. Don’t worry, if he starts to get a little too rough for my little Robin, I’ll come and help you. Of course, if I am presenting more than you, there will be no rewards. You won’t know me, I won’t let you know me, and we will fail.”

He could tell Robin wasn’t too sure about it, and he seemed to be pulling away from him. Loki reminded him what they were doing this for. It was not just for them or Robin’s need for Loki to be kind to him, but for ultimately _ Goro. _This was all for him and they were going to do their very best to make sure that Shido was not suspicious of them, and that Goro would come out of this unscathed and better than he went in. Robin furrowed his eyebrows in thought.

“What exactly...is the goal?”

“What? To get revenge, weren’t you listening?”

“Yes! But, what is it specifically? What kind of revenge are we trying to get?”

Loki had to think. He had never thought about giving him the specifics, often Robin Hood just did either as he was told right off the back or went out of his way to piss him off and just outright refuse to do it. He wasn’t doing either at the moment, and his extreme willingness was actually quite pleasing. 

“We’re going to kill him, of course.”

“What!?” Robin pulled himself away from him completely the air changing from foggy confidence to clear trepidation. He took his hands and pressed them to his body, shielding them away from Loki’s in the case he would try to hypnotize him yet again with the prospect of closeness. The eyes he stared at him with, uncertain and confused, Loki wanted to roll his eyes. How stupid was he? What did he _ think _ they were going to do? Braid each other’s hair and make flower crowns until Shido found it in his noggin that he should probably not continue being a fascist? Robin Hood was one of those “if it’s broken, ignore it until someone else fixes it’ types, and it was annoying. Loki sighed. 

“Robin, what did you assume we were going to do?”

“T-take his heart. Like Watchtower!”

“Take his--!” He gave an annoyed chuckle, then thought. Yes, a change of heart would surely keep Robin on his side and willing to uphold his half. He could retract the murder statement, admit that it was too much and say that a change of heart would be better. Causing shutdowns was a tough job on its own, let alone trying to change one for the ultimate better, and that would be too much for them on their own, wouldn’t it? They only targeted people who’s mental fortifications weren’t tough to bypass, some even unaware that they had palaces like that woman. A full change of heart would require a team, and if they could get the entire team to believe that they were going to change this heart, then it would be easy enough to trick them into allowing them to shut him down.

Yes! They could lead Joker on, tell him that this was a score Goro wanted to settle on his own, and then when the moment was right, they would do it. They’d turn his mind to nothing but dust in the wind. It would be easy! He could use Robin to do it, they’d fight together and he’d appear, expose himself and pull the trick of the ages. 

“Robin, you’re right. We shouldn’t do something so brash like that.”

“Huh?”

“A change of heart...yes, we could do it with the help of the team. With Joker and the rest. It would be a miracle to succeed on our own, but with them, it could work.”

“You...mean it? You do not want to kill him?”

“No...what would we gain from it? We could get Goro in a lot of trouble that way too...let’s do that change of heart. I’ll still need your help, we need to break his defenses towards Goro. Are you still willing?”

Robin looked at the bare hand that reached out to him, eyeing it suspiciously. If Loki truly meant it...then what was the harm? He took it into his own, and shook it.

“I will...do my best, Loki.”

“I’ll be counting on you.”


End file.
